“What are you doing?” Those four words can mean so many things depending on the tone and the inflection.
If you ever watched Phineas and Ferb, you might remember Isabella and her famous line, “whatcha doin?” You can even hear the way she inflected as she asked. She was always curious. When she asked the question, it felt fun and inquisitive. There was, however, a contrast to that when they were asked the same question by their sister, Candace. While Isabella might have been inquisitive, with Candace, it felt more like an inquisition. Candace was out to condemn them and to take them down. Isabella, however, was just curious.
How often do you ask yourself that question? As we become more self-aware, we start to notice what is going on. We start to notice our actions and our reactions. Rather than being the curious friend, how often do you find yourself being the authority figure condemning the choices you are making? How often is the question a way to control yourself?
It is hard being an adult, especially if you have a certain way you think you need to be. Oftentimes the expectations that were put on us as children stick with us as we grow up. Unfortunately, we never really do grow up. When we suppress the child in us, we might sometimes find that they rally up and start running things from under the radar.
This is when you find yourself 3 weeks into your diet and you’ve been doing so well, only to find yourself face to face with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, (to make use of this way too overused reference) shoveling it into your face and feeling so guilty about what is happening.
What if, when you do find yourself in this place, or anywhere your saboteur might be playing around with you, you could change the tone? Perhaps, as Isabella proposes in the above song, instead of condemning the already condemned, you might consider getting to know that part of you that is acting out. Maybe call a truce for a minute. Find out the motivation. How is that action serving you, even if it is only a part of you?
As you start to get more curious and change the tone, remembering that you are perfect in your own imperfect way, you might find answers in places you had been stumped before. You might even find out that you’re fun to be around.
If you are ready to start playing and to get more curious and you’re not sure where to start, I have the skills and the passion to help you learn to love yourself, all of you. Contact me today to see how I can support you in your journey to self-love.